retrospect.
so much has gone wrong, so much has gone awry.
but a handful of beautiful moments have sprouted in the midst of turmoil.

we've come so far down that endless road of life.

we've intertwined our live so deeply that the damage is irreversible.

the damage. the damage forever held inside our hearts.
the damage that constantly reminds us that were real.

the cut that never heals, the one that reminds us of our highest highs and our lowest lows.



do you remember that, my only?
do you remember?
your soft breathing reminds me of our first nights alone.
we've always been alone.
we've always had each other.
your wrong when you say it, but i know you mean it.
sleep well because that's when were at our best,
subconsciously guiding ourselves together.



we're separate but together,
together we separate.

i've never heard you sing but i know your song by heart.
the time we have left is so unsure but don't be skeptical, just enjoy the days we've accrued through the choices we've chosen.

stationary, i cannot grow. i can only connect. but it's the best that i can do.

covert and confined, i have become your shadow and you are my light.

secreting our mind's thoughts, we listen without hearing.
but we cannot stop, if we stop, we are done, so we don't stop.
we just keep molding and switching.

reminiscent, we remain. but always we will be for everyday must go in front of the next.

what if i told you we lost our love, but found something better.
could you agree.
would you know what i meant before i stated the truth.


no sensations, just sailing, just familiarity that cannot be topped.

how long will this last?
how long will we last?

an eternity in my eyes, but how long in yours.
just tell me what you mean when you say you love me.


what can you possibly mean?


nothing good can come of this, but nothing bad can come either.
merely contented peace.
waves.

morgan
has

an




abusive dog. he takes advantage of her. he hurts her. he begs her(throwing her emotions into a jumbled mess) and then he plays dead. (throwing her emotions into complete turmoil)


this dog then abuses his priveleges and and gets on her bed.


this dog is no male dog, this is a bitch.

when this dog sleeps it snores, making her have long, sleepless nights.


this is a terrible bad bad dog.

he is a satanist actually.
this is one of those "soul less" dogs.

he barks loudly to annoy her in the midst of a serene day.



this dog licks her face, just after she gets out of the shower(mind you he has an unnaturally stinky tongue.)

"he is also an asshole" says morgan.


he runs in his dreams. runs of running far far away, so as to break her small and fragile heart.
he only wishes her pain and agony.



her dog does not sort her socks for her.
he beats her until she does it for herself


her dog does not keep her warm at night, he merely sits and stares at her majestic naked body.



her dog(leo is his devious little name) does not empty the bags of her lawn mower after she labors for hours on her acre lawn.
he merely watches her, lemonade in hand.

her. dog. is. a. bitch.

growth.
so unstable and completely uncompromising.


alone, but not lonely.
the statement that i have worked so hard to master and the statement that basically rules my existence.

it seems so simply but is so deeply complex that one can only brush the surface of understanding in a whole life time.

today is so pleasant. perhaps its the free wi-fi at work and the boss who doesnt give a shit what i do...ever.

maybe its the new mural i saw on the old gates rubber company,

maybe its the dude who looked just like snoop dogg that waved at me for no reason.

or the girl who smiled at me.

or my new ipod.



or....going for a run in the morning and smelling cut grass.

maybe it's dreams of getting the hell out of here.

maybe, just maybe, it's me.



i hope the one i'm thinking of id having a good day too...it's so hard to know. but i have hopes.
he would want me to have hope. and wishes.




if only my mom would get the damn wireless at the house hooked up...if only. lol.

nights.

when if the world were flat, i'd gladly walk right off the end into the black abyss that lay beyond.


i'm not meant to be here. i look at the sky and know, i know that this just isn't for me.


i'm meant to be somewhere else. somewhere where there's such things as hopeless love, skies where you can actually see the stars, small towns with big buildings and people who still have hearts.


there are times when i need a hug.
the kind of hug no one i know can give me.
the kind a dad can give.
the kind that means in these arms you're safe from everything.
that kind. you know. that most kids got all their lives and that i cant even remember ever getting.


shitty.
why don't i just slit my wrists.
this sounds emo enough,
don't you just hate it when you feel THAT pathetic?
i do.



i guess goodnight world that i have always lived in, yet is more foreign than anything i know.